Wednesday, December 14, 2005

DM ( in DC: 12.09.05)

So guess who took *this* picture of Dave Gahan.... Hehehe!!!!Are you still guessing? Its hard to imagine that someone could take a picture like this, with a throw-away camera. . .But i did. :)

I relaly like this one. The trick, is of course, NOT using a flash ever. This has been my idea all along!!! Not to mention, it blinds the performer a whole lot less.

This was so wonderful!

Martin with his skirt and black angel wings. . . This was after they played "HOME". It was then that he took off his black mohawk furry hat thing, and stopped being very sad. . . He was happy for the rest of the show!

Im still waiting for it to sink in, that ive been there and experiences them live, up close finally and magically! yaye!

I hope you can click ont he larger huge version which i uploaded, but im not sure it works like that. I like this! weeee!

During one of the first pics i posted, where DG is holding someone's hand from the audience,... as they played "Goodnight Lovers", I touched his boot for like 20 seconds. His toes were really int here! They were real! the whole band! Im so silly...

One of us got one of the setlists fromthe stage, and after 2 encores (thatwere apparantly planned!!.. ~ i screamed my voice gone, for nothing?!?!?!?) At the end, Dave said "see you next time". Interesting.
posted by glowsofelsewhere at 5:25 PM 1 comments

Sunday, December 04, 2005

"happy belated midlife crisis! part I" (or) "conquering the impossible one at a time"


Its now December, It takes forever but goes by so quickly. I think about everything a whole lot. I love the idea of making them written down, even if never seen. . . To wish more, would be to wish that i could write, even for just myself! Im moving into my forever home, (in just 2 weeks now!), as i call it. (Like those adoptioned animals, you see on flyers, looking for their forever home...) There will be no smokers, there will be no other pets, and its walking distance to buses and franklin street. Amazing. . . Now for the coda:.. And its just 350 including utilities!!! Just so everyone knows, THIS is an IMPOSSIBLE deal in chapelhill. :) So I have done the impossible. First Step First, I say.

Heres a double exposure from November. It was taken while everything was still colourful and golden as can be. Rainbows of oranges and ambers! The sky was crisp with a great blue~ And this pic seemed to come out well amazingly.

Remind me to tell you about the story of how, yesterday, when i was being a little barista at work,.. my old dentist FROM HIGHSCHOOL!!! was a customer.

OK, so like I remembered her nice pleasant voice, and knew she was familiar, though i didn't know how. When you live in s many places, everyone reminds you of someone else, to some extent. And for the most part, I had to give up the potentially useless battle of identifying whom remindes me of whom, and remember the names and such. . . but it may have been a waste of time.

Since highschool was like 3 life times ago or so, this was a strange phenomenon. She remembered me after a little while of my describing the dental plan. She was the dentist who extracted the teeth that i would soon miss. . . "dad" as i cringe to call him, decided later that i either, did not deserve those implanted teeth nor bridges... or that it was just too expensive. I do remember the words "changed my mind"... Anyway back to the lady... So shes like: Sowhat have you been up to? and I say somethingabout having moved back tot eh area after college or something. She finally learned why i never had the implants done. (She was mad at me , over the telephone years and years ago, it seemed for how she had it all set up, but "dad" wouldnt' call her about it. Infact, he had ME call her to get an estimate for how much bridges would be. Of course she wouldnt give me that information. since i was the kid and not the billed person, she wanted him to call her, and told me to tell him to call, but of course he refused. That was an easy situation for him so then he could just call the rest of the whole thing off.
"I still see your father" she says
"and I say " ...Oh, ... *I* don't. "
She seemed to ask why,
I sum it all up with a casual stupidly quiet: "some people were never meant to be [good] parents"
"I still see Chris {THE KLONDYKE!], too"
And i say "Oh, she doesnt see him either" (or the other way around)
and a: how its funny how things go sometimes.

WOW! Looking back, that was an uglyer conversation than i remembered it being!!! Poor Dr. Chamberlain! I didn't realize!!! She was so nice and I was so bobo! She was so nice and discreet about talking about which false teeth, and needing more than one. etc.. And told me to come by tom get things taken care of. I stand there as a barista who gets pai MINIMUM WAGE per hour TO THE CENT and try not to seem too dead serious when I answer "KJsut as soon as i have the means to do that" .... She suggests just for a cleaning... So nice of her. But im still broke! I got a cleaning in august, the last day of my bobo insurance working, infact... The first cleaning in 6 years. . . anyhow:

MY SUBPOINT: Why the fuckfuckingingfuck should he get his teeth cleaned? Sitting back int he comfortable chair, feet up, clear conscience, without of figment of worry of responsibility or obligation in the world... I want to break his fucking face.

MY REAL POINT: I am going through what is known as ones MidLife Crisis. No, I am not yet in "my power". You see, this situation really disappoints me; My nice old dentist; A relic of that damned past. It disappoints me that i should mention anything about the present reliationship (lacktherof) of anyone!!! I SHOULD NOT CARE. I KNOW BETTER. I KNOOOW BETTER!!!!.... And yet i dont.: because the emotions take over to a degree~ and not even that much,... but still Somewhat.. And it tears me to shreds. I have the knowledge about what doesnt even matter truly. But i lack the wisdom, because the acceptance of moving forwards hasnt finalized. (no matter how far i seem even these days, ... Im still able to fall back, swinging to and frow in the middle of the two poles.
My midlife crisis isn't the typical 40/50 year old guy, driving his sporty midlifecrisis car, looking for chicks too young to know better yet. Nope. I really do have the paradoxcical hold on the appreciation of the preciousness in every single second of existence that life holds for us in our strange bodies with veins and bones and our thin fragile skin, that of which also comes with it, the despair of how unfair and evil the nature of nature Is, and needing desperately out of its clutches of assured pain, just waiting to crush us or stab us through the thin membrane that holds our insides in, like a sack of nerves. Ive known for too long what i dont need and certain things of which i do require... for having done so little about it. Wasted years on others problems. but who can blame me? I was raised to see it as the way of life. Wasting,WorryingWasting... Psychosymaticism is the real deal. The literal phsycial pains in my heart is proof. Sometimes sharp twinges, other times just strange aches. Surely attributed to my ethical dishonesty to myself. Inotherwords, I am not in my destiny, for sure... By the same token, I am somewhere. Its called Elsewhere. But its somewhere. Its on a path. Its in a direction, though winding. Im leading myself through the strangeness. Its hard as fizzyfuck! I don't even think i chose this battle. But theres no getting through it the easy way. Shortcuts only get me lost anyway. To rehash: Wasted Time, Wasted my lifes time, wasted energy, etc... How does one not get overtaken by the past if they are its biggest and only prisoner? Can PTSD be undone? Its all in the mind. . . they say. Only until it rots the body through... I say. I do yoga every day. I went to bed at 3, and woke up at 7 and did it, becuase i felt so bad. And anyone who knows how impossibile it is to get me up to begin with, knows how unlikely it is that i would get up to practice yoga for an hour, mind just to use the bathroom.
My obstacle(s) would seem smaller as they may just be,.. IF i could only Stop to Think And Remember and Realise that I have Already Done!!! The impossible, and that I am Continuing to do!!! The Impossible!!!... And by those facts alone,.. Im doing more than could be expected, so I cant ever really lose, ever ever again.